Vilnius College on Higher Education
Business Management Faculty
Good manners all over the world
Student of group PV04A Renata Jasinskaitė
Lecturer Lina Gaigalaitė
2004, Vilnius
CONTENT
1. What are manners really? 3
2. Good manners all over the world 3
3. Italian manners 4
4. Table manners in Japan 5
5. Chinese daily manners 5
6. Table manners in America 6
7. Finland manners 6
8. How to meet guest 6
9. Traditional manners and changing manners all over the world 7
10. Last word 8
11. LITERATURE 9
1. What are manners really?
To most folks manners are how to eat at a fine restaurant, then to others it is the use of „please“ and „thank you.“ I don’t quarry with either of these, but I believe manners are far more than most of us ever consider.
To quote a wonderful lady with great insight (Mrs. Hermine Hartley),“Manners are more than using the right fork. They’re using the right attitude. Our behavior can affect our relationships much more than our etiquette….manners are not stuffy rules wearing white ties and tails. They can show up in T-shirts and jeans. Manners are simply a matter of how we behave. How we treat one another. Good manners show respect and consideration for others. They’re not simply a veneer we put on. Manners come from the heart. Good manners are really a form of love.“ Mrs. Hartley gives some quotes as examples of the basis of manners.
1)“Do to others as you would like them to do to you.“ Luke 6:31 2)“Self-respect is at the bottom of all good manners“ Edgar S. Martin 3.
Often today people are bombarded with rude,crass,and shock value behavior. All of which comes from a lack of self respect and/or a lack of being taught manners. Rather than being rude right back, or totally staying away from people with such behaviors, I believe we should teach by practicing being considerate and respectful. After all that’s how we’d want others to be with us; considerate of our feelings and of our things, and respectful as a fellow human. Also we should consider tolerance. To tolerate has two opposing definitions in the dictionary. The first is „to respect(others’ beliefs,practices, etc.) without sharing them.“ The other is „to put up with.“ No one should „put up with“ bad behavior in the name of good manners. There are many kind and creative ways to express differences without being rude or disrespectful. So if you choose to tolerate, do so with respect, and if you choose not to tolerate, also do so with respect.
Children learn best by example, so the old saying of „more is caught than taught“ is ever so true. If our children hear us speaking disrespectfully, or see us acting selfishly , then they will follow suit. Most social behavior attitudes are learned before the first grade from children studying their parents. Besides being a good role model, love is the greatest influence we have on our children. If a child feels understood, recognized, and loved, then the only manners we will have to teach are etiquette.
2. Good manners all over the world
There are some simple guidelines to follow actually, though there are cultural differences to take into consideration. What is rude in Japan may be perfectly acceptable in Latin America. However, you will be forgiven for not knowing the rules of an alien culture. You will not be excused for being careless in your own country. In any case, always remember the principle of not making others uncomfortable. If you are in a mixed group, always greet the elders and the women first. Don’t shout to be heard. Don’t interrupt others while they re talking. Don’t address elders and seniors by their names, unless they have specially asked you to, in India at any rate. Try Sir/ Ma am for strangers and Uncle/ Aunty (or Chachaji, Mausiji etc) for familiar people. For a stranger who is not so old, it is better to suffix the name with ji , as a mark of respect.
Stand up when an elder or a guest enters the room and don t sit until you ve offered them a seat. Offer a glass of water (and preferably a cup of tea) to anyone who steps into your home/ office. Do not continue to watch TV or surf the net when you have a visitor.
Stand when the national anthem (of any country) is playing. Show respect to all flags and all religious symbols. Lower the music or TV volume when others are talking or trying to sleep. Do not ask too many intimate or invasive questions the first few times that you meet a person. Do not comment on personal appearances or clothes in a negative way; if you cannot say something complimentary, do not say anything at all. In Indian homes, always take off your shoes/sandals before entering a room, or in one corner near the door. At least, wait for your host to tell you that you need not bother.
Some basic rules for table manners: wash your hands before and after a meal; ask for whatever you want instead of reaching out directly or pointing at dishes; don’t make too much noise; don’t talk with food in your mouth; preferably eat with your right hand (unless you are a leftie and cannot); wait until everyone else is sitting down before starting to eat; help clear the dishes; don’t read while eating; don’t
talk on your cell phone during the meal and if you must get up in-between, ask to be excused.
3. Italian manners
Italy has a reputation for being warm and welcoming. Here are some general comments on Italian culture, and some tips for adjusting to Italian manners and standards. Obviously this is mostly based on personal experiences; generalisations of course do not always hold true.
Italians greet friends with two light kisses on the cheek, first the right and then the left. Even if you’re merely acquaintances, this form of greeting is usual, both on arrival and departure. When groups are splitting up, expect big delays as everyone kisses everyone else. On first introduction a handshake is usual, although not necessarily the firm businesslike shake other nationalities may be used to.
If your inbred cultural reserve makes you feel uncomfortable with this, don’t worry too much. The British in particular have a reputation for being reserved, so you can always play up to this expectation, and Italians will understand you don’t mean to be rude. Handshakes are also accepted greetings, and some Italians will kiss compatriots and offer their hand to the awkward Brit.
In a small-medium sized shop, it’s standard to greet the staff as you enter, not when you approach the counter to pay. A friendly ‘Buongiorno’ or ‘Buonasera’ warms the atmosphere. When paying, we’ve found that staff usually expect you to put coins down on the surface or dish provided, rather than placing money directly into their hands (fear of germs? money-handling etiquette?), and they will do the same when giving you your change (il resto). The advent of the euro has caused problems for the Italians. Most lira transactions were in banknotes, and people are still adjusting to the fact that coins are now of significant denominations and in general use. Don’t be surprised to find the whole issue of change rather perplexing for cashiers, who may try to insist you give them complex combinations of coins and notes rather than simply changing your notes.
Whole essays can be written about the Italians’ relationships with clothes (maybe a future addition to this site…). Three of the most important observations:
1. Italians are very conformist about clothing; everyone wears the same fashions, from teenagers to grans (this can take some getting used to… see comment 2 below). Don’t be surprised or insulted if you are looked at askance for your ‘eccentricity’ in not wearing the latest customised jeans or fiendishly-pointed boots.