The Importance of Self-Esteem
Who Are You?
What is a Self?
Before birth a self does not exist. The evolution of the human being progresses from an undifferentiated part of mother in the womb, to individuation and autonomy as an adult. The self is the complete emergence and separation from another, the formation of an I through physical and psychological boundaries. The self is a continually evolving creation, an unfolding of potentials and possibilities that takes a lifetime and can never be said to be finished.
With the evolution of the personality comes the evolution of ever-increasing layers of consciousness; personality and consciousness are inseparable.
Consciousness exists as a seamless continuum, flowing and interacting on many levels—from the chemical reactivity of a bacterium to human volition: making choices.
There is risk in making choices: uncertainty. Uncertainty in a chaotic, random, unpredictable universe necessitates the need for a grounding force: self-esteem.
What is Self-Esteem?
Self-esteem is the foundation of the personality, a fundamental essence that supports everything about you. Self-esteem is a relationship with the I, an assertion to consciousness—a consciousness not only of the external world, but of the true inner self. Self-esteem is to think independently, living through your own perceptions and evaluations of how the world is, and how you fit in it. Self-esteem is acting from your own convictions, knowing what you know and feeling what you feel, with full acknowledgment of your needs and desires, and what causes you pain, fear, and anger.
Self-esteem is built on two principles: self-acceptance and self-concept. Self-acceptance is basic, primitive and shared by most other living things. It is unconditional and is required before self-esteem can develop. Self-acceptance is not a denial of a need for change, improvement, or evolution—it is simply a recognition that you are.
Your self-concept develops from self-acceptance. Self-concept encompasses your beliefs, convictions, concerns, everything you like about yourself, everything you don’t like, your capabilities, skills, talents, as well as your limitations.
From self-concept grows self-esteem. Self-esteem means accepting yourself in all of your many facets, without resorting to self-repudiation, self-oppression, or deception of yourself or others.
Nothing is more important to your core of existence than what you think of yourself. People will come and people will go, but you will always have a relationship with yourself. To quote an often-heard truth: No matter where you go, there you are.
Everything you feel, think, and do is influenced by how you evaluate yourself, and affects how you relate to others and who you have relationships with.
Self-esteem is a fundamental sense of efficacy and worthiness, and is evidenced in competence, self-reliance, and self-assurance. It is trusting your mind to make correct decisions and life-affirming choices. It is an orientation towards the self, not only for self-preservation, but for self-furtherance—progress towards goals. People with low self-esteem do not progress: They stagnate. It takes self-esteem to change, progress towards goals. As a happy consequence, progression towards goals builds yet more self-esteem.
To have self-esteem is to be committed to your right to exist, to know that your body, your mind, and your feelings do not belong to others and that you are not here to live up to others’ expectations.
Self-esteem begins with psychological visibility. As infants and children we need feedback—an adult mirroring us back to ourselves; we need to know that we exist, to know that we matter. As children, others must perceive our value so that we may continue to value ourselves as autonomous adults.
Self-esteem is not a constant—it is not experienced with a consistent intensity at all times. Self-esteem fluctuates, and is a matter of degree—it is not an either/or proposition. There is high self-esteem and there is low self-esteem, and many gradations in between. You can increase self-esteem, you cannot get self-esteem. Getting self-esteem implies that there was a total absence of it and the void can be infused with some kind of self-esteem substance. The only kind of person that has absolutely no self-esteem is a cadaver.
Healthy Self-Esteem
Having self-esteem means honoring your potentials, embracing the discovery and exploration of all that is uniquely you. People with high self-regard seek out stimulation through challenge.